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By Opakrwoth Solomon
What does it really mean to be a man? For many young men, masculinity can become a performance built around silence, sacrifice and the pressure to appear strong at all times. In The Deceit of Trying to Be a Man, Opakrwoth Solomon challenges the belief that a man must hide his pain, suppress his tears, provide even when he has nothing and carry every burden alone. The poem offers another perspective on manhood—one that leaves room for honesty, boundaries, vulnerability, healing and asking for help.
The young man said:
I can’t cry when I’m in pain.
I have to borrow just to give her,
even when I have nothing left.
I can’t say no to her requests,
or to their demands,
even when every “yes” drains me.
I can’t share my pain.
I can’t talk about my struggles.
I can’t admit that something hurts me,
that something shakes me,
that something has broken me.
I can’t say, “I’m sorry.”
I can’t admit that I was wrong.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t…
Why?
“Because I’m trying to be a man.”
But listen.
Who told you that being a man
means being silent?
You are a man
because God made you a man.
Not because you never cry.
Not because you never break.
Not because you can carry everything alone.
There is nothing courageous
about pretending to be strong
while you’re sinking deep inside.
There is nothing manly
about smiling in public
while silently fighting battles
no one knows about.
Crying is not weakness.
Asking for help is not weakness.
Saying “I can’t” is not weakness.
Saying “I’m sorry” is not weakness.
And admitting that you are hurting
does not make you less of a man.
Pain was never assigned a gender.
Tears were never reserved for women.
And peace was never meant only for girls.
You deserve healing too.
You deserve peace too.
You deserve to rest.
You have the right to say NO.
You don’t have to destroy yourself
trying to prove your worth to anyone.
You don’t have to carry every burden
just because people expect you to.
You don’t have to become a prisoner
of the words:
“Be a man.”
Because being a man
doesn’t mean you never fall.
It means you can fall
and still rise.
It means you can hurt
and still heal.
It means you can admit you’re wrong
and still remain a man.
So, young man…
Stop trying to prove your manhood.
Stop hiding behind a smile
when your heart is crying.
Stop sacrificing your peace
to convince the world that you’re strong.
You are a man.
You were a man
before anyone demanded
that you prove it.
And you will remain a man
even when you cry,
even when you say no,
even when you ask for help,
even when you admit you’re afraid,
even when you need someone
to hold you up.
YOU ARE A MAN.
AND NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT.
— Opakrwoth Solomon
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